As the day of my sons birth quickly approaches I find myself not sure if I am ready to share him with the world! I mean I want him here so bad, but once he's here he's not just mine anymore. He's inside me kicking away and that is so special to me. I think this is the selfish side to me. Maybe it's the only child syndrom coming back from when I was a kid! :) I love feeling him kick inside me. It's almost as if he is commuicating with me through his little jabs and kicks. Right now he is all mine. Jerrod gets to feel him and see him move all the time, but it's not the same to him. The newnes of it has wore off for him. I feel it everyday and I sit there and talk to Wyatt as if he is truly understanding what I am saying to him.
I was watching a show in TLC called "bringing home baby" and I started crying when the couple brought home their son. In just a few short months that will be me and Jerrod. It was only a few months ago I found out I was pregnant. Now in a few months I will get to see him, hold him and cuddle him. Will I be the best parent he needs? Will I know what to do when he crys? I have had many experiences with many children. I mena c'mon I used to be a nanny for heaven sakes. I had twin 1 week olds and 2 girls runnin around. I had their house cleaned and dinner ready every night. I entertianed the two older girls and fed the boys all on my own. What makes me think I can handle a singleton? I guess it is the idea he is all mine. I don't want to screw this kid up. I have so many hopes and dreams. Will he be the next President? I can only pray he follows the path that God has created for him. I am praying I can be the mom he needs. I mean every son loves their mama. I mean c'mon guys loko for women who resemble their mom in some way or another. That brings me to another point, is there a girl out there that will be good enough for my son? Will she bring out the best in my son? Will he bring out the best in her?
Yesterday, Jerrod and i were driving home from dinner and he brought up a subject. We are getting a little chunck of $$$ from his land that is finally selling. I mean it's not alot, but it's money we didn't have before. When he first told me how much it was, i responded with are we going to give the church 10% as our tithe. In the Bible it says to give 10% of your money as an offering. But you need to give with a cheerful heart so you only give what you can be cheerful for. Now 10% is alot, but we would not have this money if it wasn't for God's hand upon this, so it is only right to give some of it back to do good works in someone elses life. So, anyways at first Jerrod kind of was like 10% that's alot. Then he told me last night that he wants to give 10% to the church. He said after I left work that day he started thinking about what I said and he felt it is what we should do. Now is that me bringing out the good in him? I mean would he of thought to do that if I hadn't said something?
Anyways...now that I have rambled on ;) I am ready to meet my son face to face...but I am not ready to share him yet! I guess thats why I still have 12 weeks before I have to share! :)
