Marriage

someone posted this on another site...I don't know who orginally worte it but it made me think about making sure we live each day with our spouse to the fullest!

MARRIAGE

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

August 1st

Yesterday was a nice day. We tried a new church...still going to try some others, but it was better than the first one we went to. We have accepted we will just have to have a little bit of show being that we live in New Orleans. After church we came home had some lunch and Jerrod mowed the lawn and went swimming with Wyatt in our new kiddie pool. Jerrod surprised us with this purchase. Wyatt loves it he sees it as a huge bath tub. Other than that yesterday wasn't a overly active day. We did watch that Miley Cirus(sp?) movie "The Last Song" and it was an ok movie. For dinner we had a roast in the crock-pot with all the fixings. It was nice not to have to use the oven in this 95 degree weather. It feels like 105degrees and is 95% humidity. Well, this week is getting ready for Jerrod's mom and dad and the boys. They are coming in Friday evening and leaving Monday. Jerrod wants to take them to the WWII museum.
Tonight for dinner I am tryin this: http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/15-Minute-Dinner-Nachos-Supreme/Detail.aspx

I will let you know how it turns out.

Another month has come to an end

I just can't believe we are already in August and summer is almost over. The statement is true that says, "time passes quickly as you get older." I remember as a kid it took so long to get to certain parts of the year, mostly Christmas and my birthday. Now it seems those two days sneak up on me just as I recovered from the previous one.

This month has been a whirlwind. We finally got settled into our new house which is bigger than we ever expected to be in. I am making new mommy friends all over the place. Just yesterday I got to meet two moms with babies Wyatt's age. We went to a place called BooKoo Bounce. It is an indoor place that has tons of Bounce houses for kids to play in.

My little man is getting so big. He finally has one top tooth. He will be 9months on August 3rd and I am still trying to find how those months flew by so fast. I wish they would stop because I really am not ready for him to not be a baby any longer. He is probably close to 21lbs and maybe 30inches but that might be pushing it a little. He is all over the place with his speed crawling. Wyatt has mastered the pulling himself up to standing and walking along something. He is mostly smiles during the day and loves to have your attention. We find that he does the most random things and that makes us laugh so hard. Wyatt is a major tooter and we call him out on it every time he does one(in fact as I was typing this he tooted and laughed about it). When you call him a tooter he smiles and laughs at you. If he hasn't tooted and you call him a tooter he wont smile or laugh about it, this is how I know when it was daddy rather than baby.

As for me I am starting to get motivated on working out. I need to start toning up so by the time next summer comes I don't look pudgy anymore. I would really like to look unpudgy by Marine Ball, but that is right around the corner, maybe I can look a little better than I do now though.
Well, that is all I have to tell you for now...I am off to make some chocolate chip cookies :)

Birthing time: Hospital

The hospital:

Your stay in the hospital can vary in days. 2 days is for a normal vaginal delivery and 3 days is normal for a c-section.

Call your hospital that you are delivering at they have tours you can do so you can see the room and ask all the questions.
Take the epidural. lol I wasn't going to but it was the best thing ever! For your bag take going home clothes (stay comfy you just had a baby sweats and a t-shirt kind of thing).
You can pack a gown and underwear but I just wore what they had bc you are bleeding and I didn't want to ruin my stuff. Plus they give you these mesh undies you can put these ice packs in, ah heaven.
Use whatever they have and take whatever they give you home. I slept on the pads for days so I didn't bleed on my bed.
As for the baby...you can take an outfit or two but they usually have them in like a hospital onesis and a blanket. Bring one or two for pictures and going home, but it's just easier to use what they have.
Now for personal things: Bring your hairbrush, makeup, shampoo, deodorant, toothbrush, and anything along that line. Bring your own pillow you will be more comfortable. I had one of those long boppy pregnancy pillows, it made things so much better. Bring things to keep you busy, laptop if you have one, books, iPods, and books. Really bring anything to pass the time because you never know how long you will be there. Remember to bring your cell phones, chargers, cameras, and extra batteries.
Now for your husband tell him to bring the same things just pack some extra clothes. Have him bring a pillow and a small blanket, hospital things aren’t always great. Also put snacks in his bag like, granola bars, fruit snacks and things of that sort. I snacked on Jerrod’s because I was so hungry, they don’t feed you once you are admitted in and in my case I was there 26.5hours before Wyatt was born.
If you google hospital checklist or something like that you can usually find what people bring.

Baby Gear I loved

Gear:

Car Seats: Infant car seat is great, but some kids grow out of them very fast. The convertible car seats are great because they last longer. The infant seat is convenient, but you could always become a BW (baby wearer).

Travel System strollers eventually become too bulky. Spend more money on an infant umbrella stroller that is nice. A good brand is Mclearn. If you are going to get a big stroller get a jogging stroller and the Mclearn umbrella. The Mclearn is a step up from the cheaply umbrella stroller. It is compact but has all the pluses of the big stroller. If you are looking for one to snap your infant seat in (most reason why people buy the travel system) buy a snap and
go stroller they work amazing and don’t take up much space.
Pack n’ Play: I loved this because of all the features. I used mine in the living room as a changer and napping area.

Bassinet: It was great to have Wyatt next to me the first few months because he woke up so frequently to eat.

Carriers: Don’t get the Bjorn/Snugglies. They are bad on the hips/pelvic bone of the baby. Go for a wrap in the beginning. A great wrap is the Moby wrap. After the baby gets to be 15ish lbs you will need to move on to the next carrier and your best bet is an ERGO. These are also life savers for getting things done around the house when baby just wants to be held.
Feeding:

Bottles: If you are breastfeeding you want to find bottles that are easy to switch between breast and bottles. Some that is recommended: The First Years Breast Flow, Tommie Tippie, Playtex ventaire wide and Dr. Browns.

Pumps: You get what you pay for…spend a little bit more and get a medela. It is worth the money and will last you. Plus it will actually work. If you don’t believe me look at the reviews. I even prefer my manual medela to any other electric.

Mesh Feeders: Are amazing for when you start to do solid feeding. Munchkin makes some. You can see them at Wal-Mart and most grocery stores.

Boppy Pillow: some people love this some don’t…I didn’t waste money on one I just used a regular pillow. To each their own.

Bumbo Seat: is an amazing seat and a must have! It helps to teach babies to sit up. It is supper supportive and great to use before the highchair.

ITZBEN: this is a timer thing that you can put what time you changed baby last, what breast you fed on at which time, what time baby went to sleep etc etc…great for new moms because you forget everything.

Nursery:

Glider/Rocker: I loved mine but this is another to each their own. It has become a lifesaver now with Wyatt being so active. He is so distracted by everything that sitting in his room in the rocker is the only place I can nurse him.

Monitor: I would recommend the Angel Care motion monitors. It has a pad that you put on the matters and monitors breathing and such. It just lets you rest a little easier.

Glo Worm Sea Horse: We love ours…Wyatt now knows when it lights up and plays it is time for bed. He is usually out by the end of the songs.

Blankets: Best blanket Miracle blanket…it’s a brand but the baby can’t break out of the swaddle!

Diaper Bucket: I love the Diaper Champ. It can be smelly once they get on solids but you don’t have to buy refill bags you just use regular garbage bags.

White Noise Machine: Wal-Mart has one that is called a SoundSpa and is the best thing ever. You will be glad you bought this.

Infant Toys/Development:

Play Mat: its a little gym thing that toys hang from…invest in this and use it from a young age. Wyatt was using his from 3weeks I believe. He would only last 5 or so minutes at first but eventually he loved it where he’d last longer. He actually learned to roll over on his mat.

Jumperoo/Exosaucer: Both worth the money. If you get one and not the other look on craigslist for a used one. They both are great toys to have.

Bouncer/Vibrating Chair: Something to invest in as well. Some babies this is all they will sleep in when they are young.

Swing: travel swings suck…if you are going to get one get the big one.

Interactive toys: these you can buy as you see fit, but a favorite is My Pal Scout/Violet. You can personalize it to say/spell baby’s name and other stuff. It is super cute and a great toy.

Bath Time:

Seat: We used a cheap $7 one from Wal-Mart made by safety first. It looked like a lounge chair. Once he started to roll around we just gave him a bath in the sink until he was crawling. Once he was crawling and could get around I bought one of those mats that make the bath tub non-slip and let him crawl.

Wash: I use Aveeno some people swear by Burt’s Bees. Just try to get something that works for you. Avoid smelly things because of baby’s reactions to fragrances.
Towels/washcloths: A few is plenty…you will do laundry so you don’t need a billion. Robes are cute but a pain in the you know. Honestly are you going to sit there and put the baby’s arms in it? Just have a few good hooded towels.

Lotion: Find a creamy lotion that can hold moisture in…Eucrin is a great one even my doctor recommended it.

Diapers:

To each their own here…if you want to save money and have your own washer and dryer cloth is the way to go. The newer versions are super easy and super cute! The upfront cost is big but you can use them again for your next child.

Medicine:

Little Remedies: Has a bundled package you can buy online. It has little tummies, little noses and so much more that you can use all the time. Invest in this!

Gripe Water: get it you will be glad you did!

Aspirator: the boogie sucky from the hospital is the best and you won’t find one better!

Cool Mist Humidifier: For when baby get’s his/her first cold. This is the best thing to use in the room to keep moisture.

Tylenol: buy the off brand it is the same thing and isn’t recalled every other day like Tylenol.

Vicks Baby Rub…works wonders a little on their feet and it unstuffs their noses like a charm.

Nipple Cream: works great when they get chapped lips and or face.
MISC:

Laundry: Just buy a detergent you all can use but the one that is free and clear. We use All Free and Clear (White bottle). This is way cheaper than buying your detergent and the Dreft. Plus the baby is going to be snuggling with you so you might as well be Free and Clear too.

Pregnancy Recomendations

A few friends are pregnant with their first baby and have asked me things that I would recommend for the baby and birth. So, I compiled some lists. I may add to these as I remember more but for now this is what I have.


Pregnancy Things:


If you get Morning sickness really bad they can put you on Zoloft 4mg. It helps a great deal! Sickness is a good sign that everything is going great inside! Don’t worry if you don’t have it though, it could just be your body adjusts well to all the hormones.

Take your prenatal at night because it will help with the sickness feeling. A lot of people get sick because of those pills. Some women switch to Flintstones vitamins. I just took the generic Target brand.


You should be drinking about 64oz of water a day. Once you start getting further along you’ll wake up at night to pee. TO help with the frequency try to stop drinking around 6ish or a couple hours before your bedtime.


For the first 3 months up till 12/13weeks you don’t need extra calories. After that you should only need an extra 300. This is like a cup of cereal, some milk and a banana. So, not really much! L


Avoid caffeine for the first trimester and the first part of the second. It dose not do well with the developing lungs and brain. They also say it could cause miscarriages, but there really isn’t a lot of information leaning that way. I eroded on the side of caution. After the 1st ½ of the2nd trimester 200mg(12oz) is ok.

Leg Cramps/Charlie Horses: I had a lot of these. There was even one time I woke up screaming because of one. Start eating a banana a day. Make it a snack or something just get a banana a day.


I bought one of those boppy body pillows. It was nice up till 25-30ish weeks. After that nothing was comfortable.


If you are going to do a 3d ultrasound (loved mine!) the best time is between 28-32weeks. Some place will offer a package deal if you do gender and another one later. You just have to check the place out.

When picking a doctor I would find one that I like that also delivers at a hospital with a NICU.

Stay away from fish…mercury is bad! If you need to eat some Google: Safe fish to eat while pregnant.


Stretch Marks…well sorry to say I never found anything that worked! I tried everything. My sister swore by Vitamin E oil and wrapping her belly at night with plastic wrap. I couldn't handle smelling like a taco. I just found a lotion that helped with the itching.


Take it easy…you dont realize it but it doesn't take much to get things into a bad place.

If you plan on breastfeeding I highly recommend the Medela pumps. They are expensive, but if you can start now by putting $20 away you will be able to afford it.

Also another money saving idea…old fashioned but it is also becoming the new fad. Start buying cloth diapers. They are totally different from what they used to be. They have liners that you just stuff into the cover. It is a lot of money up front, but you will save in the end. If I would have thought about this before we would have been doing cloth diapering (CDing). Google: Cloth Diapers there are so many now. They are spendy like $20ish for one diaper but they will last you for multiple children.

My favorite website was www.babycenter.com I found my birth board (November 2009 birth club). All the ladies on there were great. I got close with some of them and we are still close today.

Our wonderfully made addition...

On Monday November 2nd I went in for my 38 week cheek-up. I was a solid 2cm dilated and maybe 50% effaced. Wyatt's head was measuring 3weeks above so they told me I was being induced that evening. I called Jerrod at work and broke the news that there would be no birthday party for him(Jerrod's bday is 11/02) and we needed to get everything ready to go because we were being induced that evening.

We finished things up around the house and made sure everything was packed to go. We ordered a pizza for dinner. We just relaxed until it was time to go. I was so nervous that it was my last night being pregnant and that Wyatt was going to be on his way into this world. We left home around 8pm ish and headed to the hospital.

We checked in and got our room. I was started on Cyrotex, to soften my cervix. Every 4hours I was given this pill. Around 2am a nurse came in to check on me because the monitor said I was having strong contractions every 2mins. They checked my cervix I was only 3cm and still only 50% effaced. So, they gave me a shot to stop the contractions. I wasn't really feeling anything and I was sleeping comfortably. Oh well :)

In the morning the Cyrtoex was stopped at 8ish and I was started on pitocin around 11ish. They only ever got the pitocin up to 4 because I was having contractions on my own. Jerrod left around this time to go get him some lunch. I told him to leave at that time because I knew pitocin meant things were going to start happening pretty fast. Around 1pm the anasthelosist came in and told me if I wanted an epidural I needed to get it now because he didn't know if he'd be able to make it back to me. I was afraid of not being able to have one if I wanted one, so I agreed to an epidural. I was still on 3cm and not very much effaced. My friend, Katelyn, and her boyfriend, Clayton, came to visit and got to see me before Wyatt was here. They left when it was time for me to get my epidural. As the doctor was giving me my epidural Jerrod came back in with a bag of cheeseburgers from McDonald's. After the epidural was in my OB/GYN came by to check me and decided it was time to break my water. So, he got his instruments and broke my water. Jerrod, having a front row seat, missed it all and his comment after he realized what was going on, "Did your water just break?" dork! Needless to say he was in his own world.

Well, after that time just seemed to kind of fly by. Around 630pm, a friend from our church came by to visit, Vanessa. Vanessa works in the NICU at the hospital we were delivering at and stopped by before her 7pm shift. After she left my nurse came in to check on me and told me I was 10cm, but Wyatt was still very high and was going to let the contractions bring him down. So, she told me to try and sleep...Ahhh it's almost time I was thinking.

Around 9pm I told Jerrod that I was feeling a lot of pressure and I thought it was time to push. We called the nurse and they came in to check me, sure enough it was time to give Wyatt is debut! They got the room ready and around 945pm we started to push. My doctor came in around 1015ish and by 1036pm Wyatt Austin Lantz was born in to this world weighing 8lbs 2oz and was 19.5in long. He had his daddy's scowl from the start. Our little man is finally here. But, something just wasn't right. He let out a few big cries but just wasn't getting the big cries that they had hoped for. The NICU team came down to check on our little boy and then carted him off to be checked out a little better. I sent Jerrod with Wyatt because I knew I would be fine and our little boy needed a parent with him. Wyatt was eventually admitted as a NICU patient for breathing issues. He just wasn't breathing at the rate he should be. He had some fluid in his lungs and they started him on antibiotics just in case it was an infection. I didn't sleep well that night because I was heartbroken that my little boy was not in my room with me. I had dreamed of his birth and reality wasn't living up to my dream. The next morning around 8am I finally got to see my baby again and it was the best feeling to be able to hold him. They were projecting at least 5 days of him being in the NICU. We spent the next two days in the NICU with our son. I was pumping so my milk would come in and it was heartbreaking at the amounts I would get. I was told that it was normal not to get much in the beginning, but still it just didn't feel like I was getting enough to feed my little boy.

On day two of being in the hospital my doctor told me it was time to be discharged. This broke my heart because for the first time in 9 months I was not going to have my son near me. I spent that time with Wyatt as Jerrod packed up our stuff. We had tons of flowers from family, friends and Jerrod's co-workers. My mom and step-dad came to visit and meet Wyatt while he was still in the NICU. Over the next week we would go to the hospital twice a day and see our little boy. He eventually developed jaundice and had to be under the billirubbin lights. This week was the hardest week ever. I cried everyday just because I wanted my son home with me. I would call the NICU every 3-4hours to get an update on my little boy. On day 7 he was finally able to go home. We kept getting told to be there at a certain time and they would call 30mins before and tell us he wasn't ready yet. Finally at 7pm we were on our way home to finally be a family of 3.

We have now adjusted to a new baby and love everything he does. We have thousands of pictures and it seems that even poopy diapers are a great conversation between Jerrod and I.

A long Blog pause...

Well, obviously I lost touch with my blog over the last 9ish months...but not to worry I am back. So, Wyatt was born...you really didn't think I was still pregnant did you? :) I will blog his birth story later, but needless to say he is here and is an active 8 1/2 month old big little guy. Our life has changed a lot since his birth and whoever thinks a baby will keep you together is wrong. It's love that keeps you fighting through the tough battles of marriage, but the baby is a prize in itself. From the sleepless nights, to the poopy diapers and the lack of showers everyday it has been a battle but not one I would change for the world.

We now live in New Orleans, Louisiana and are just getting settled. We have yet to explore this place, but have at least 3 years to do so...I plan to join playgroups and gym classes. Hopefully soon I will meet other mamas and find Wyatt some little friends. The next few blog entries will be about what has happened since November. I will fill you in a little at a time...Don't mind me as I dust off my blogging skills...and bare with me as I am a mom to a little active boy who thinks No is something to laugh at.

Till next time

Keep smiling and lighting up the world

Jenn

Death and dying

Left to right: Me, Grandma: Maxine Filson, and Aunt Ann Christmas 07

Ya know it is never easy to face death...I know we will all have to die one day and I am not afraid of dying in the least bit. I also know when you hit 90 years old, it is only a matter of time before it is your time to go.

My grandma(father's mom) just turned 91 in September. She has lived a long life. I would even say she has lived longer than most people would have ever thought. My grandma has had diabetes since I was young, probably even before I was born! Recently she fell on the way to the bathroom and blacked out. She required a stay in the hospital for awhile. The last update I had was that she was getting better and would be going home any day. This morning I couldn't sleep(430am) and woke up to a facebook email from my cousin who lives in Colorado, telling me grandma has taken a turn for the worse and is in hospice and they don't expect her to live through the end of the year. I guess I am more sad I haven't been able to be up there in the last year. I always had plans to be up there, but never was able to get there. I really wanted to take Wyatt to meet her, I knew she didn't have much time left, being that she was 91.

I guess in reality I am more sad that she is in pain while passing on. I really pray that she is resting easily and not going thorugh a lot of pain. Now it is time to prepare myself to lose my last living grandparent. I will always have the memories of the times I had growing up. Living with my dad, that was the side of the family I saw the most. It's hard to know that she will soon be gone. It is kinda like loosing a part of my childhood, she was such a big part of it! Soon, she shall be in peace and no longer in the pain.

I love you Grandma!